Strikeouts Are Fascist, Groundballs Are More Democratic
White Sox 5, Devil Rays 1.
Kid K: Well, this morning I woke up and the sun was shining and my dog, Homer Philippoussis Odyssey Shawn Camp the Third, had already retrieved all 13 of my newspapers. And then I went to the park with Homer Philippoussis Odyssey the Third and we tossed a tennis ball around. Then I cooked some grits. And mind you, I am from Texas and no self-respecting Texan eats instant grits. No, I cook my grits nice and slow. Sure the instant grits are often just as good, but man, there is nothing like cooking...
The Professor: (interrupting Scott) So it's going well?
Kid K: That's what I was saying
The Professor: (noticing a half-eaten bowl of grits on table) ok? so if your grits are so good, then how come you didn't finish your bowl this morning?
Kid K: Well...first of all, when I am eating my grits on days that I am scheduled to pitch, I like to take really small bites. Sometimes it can take me 120 bites just to get through half a bowl and then I am too tired to finish the grits. But man, that half-a-bowl is awesome!
The Professor: It seems like such a waste of good grits.
Kid K: (laying bowl of grits on floor) Nah. I give the other half of the bowl to my dog, Homer Philippoussis Odyssey Shawn Camp the Third. He likes to finish the meals I can't finish. The only problem is that a lot of times, he gets the grits all over the place.
The Professor: (watches dog eating grits) boy, he sure does make a mess of those grits.
Kid K: yeah, but it is really only 2 or 3 bites that make the mess. The other bites are really good and every once in a while he doesn't make a mess at all.
The Professor: So, I was hoping to talk to you about how your season is going so far. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions.
Kid K: Sure. go ahead.
The Professor: At times this season you have looked like your typical dominating self, but at the same time you have had trouble working deep into games. What would you say has changed in your approach this season as compared to the first half of last season?
Kid K: That is a great question. But I am sorry. I need to cut this interview short. My mouth is tired and I need to take a nap.
The Professor: I understand Scott, but I promise we really only need a few more answers from you
Kid K: (laying head down on kitchen table)
The Professor: Scott?
Kid K: (snoring)
DEVIL RAYS WEBTOPIA...
The Professor visits Scott Kazmir at home...The Professor: Hey Scott, how's it going?
Kid K: Well, this morning I woke up and the sun was shining and my dog, Homer Philippoussis Odyssey Shawn Camp the Third, had already retrieved all 13 of my newspapers. And then I went to the park with Homer Philippoussis Odyssey the Third and we tossed a tennis ball around. Then I cooked some grits. And mind you, I am from Texas and no self-respecting Texan eats instant grits. No, I cook my grits nice and slow. Sure the instant grits are often just as good, but man, there is nothing like cooking...
The Professor: (interrupting Scott) So it's going well?
Kid K: That's what I was saying
The Professor: (noticing a half-eaten bowl of grits on table) ok? so if your grits are so good, then how come you didn't finish your bowl this morning?
Kid K: Well...first of all, when I am eating my grits on days that I am scheduled to pitch, I like to take really small bites. Sometimes it can take me 120 bites just to get through half a bowl and then I am too tired to finish the grits. But man, that half-a-bowl is awesome!
The Professor: It seems like such a waste of good grits.
Kid K: (laying bowl of grits on floor) Nah. I give the other half of the bowl to my dog, Homer Philippoussis Odyssey Shawn Camp the Third. He likes to finish the meals I can't finish. The only problem is that a lot of times, he gets the grits all over the place.
The Professor: (watches dog eating grits) boy, he sure does make a mess of those grits.
Kid K: yeah, but it is really only 2 or 3 bites that make the mess. The other bites are really good and every once in a while he doesn't make a mess at all.
The Professor: So, I was hoping to talk to you about how your season is going so far. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions.
Kid K: Sure. go ahead.
The Professor: At times this season you have looked like your typical dominating self, but at the same time you have had trouble working deep into games. What would you say has changed in your approach this season as compared to the first half of last season?
Kid K: That is a great question. But I am sorry. I need to cut this interview short. My mouth is tired and I need to take a nap.
The Professor: I understand Scott, but I promise we really only need a few more answers from you
Kid K: (laying head down on kitchen table)
The Professor: Scott?
Kid K: (snoring)
DEVIL RAYS WEBTOPIA...
- One unbiased blogger thinks Carl Crawford should be the starting left fielder for the AL All-Star squad.
- In case you missed it in our "Down on the Farm" segment, BJ Upton made his first rehab start for the Vero Beach Devil Rays, playing second and going 0-3.
- It was reported earlier that the Rays were hoping to have BJ Upton back in the lineup this weekend in Cleveland. Now it appears that management will wait until Tuesday when the Rays take on the Red Sox.
Labels: BJ Upton, Carl Crawford, Scott Kazmir only works part-time
posted by The Professor at 1:32 PM
1 Comments:
I still think you have to at least look at what you might be able to get for Kid K. Have you seen the rumors surrounding Buehrle, who is going to be a free agent in a few months? I think there could be some really amazing stupid return out there for Kaz.
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